I'm Alone.. Wandering.. Wondering..

- Welcome -

A very warm welcome to all of you.

First of all, I have to admit that my new blogskin isn‘t that fantastic or cool as I expect it to be. But I wonder..
How many of your friends have blog? How many of those blogs are written in Chinese? How many of them used their own blogskin, rather than just "goped" from blogskins.com?
And lastly, how many of the blogs that you‘ve come across attracted your attention?

Well, I hope mine did. =)

The title of my blog is I'm Alone.. Wandering.. Wondering...
It's all about my own thoughts and experiences. So leave me a deep impression and I'll write about you. Some posts are written in Chinese just to eliminate a handful of people who are too lazy to read word for word or don't have a good grasp of Chinese.

You may click on the dots on the left panel to navigate.
1st dot. About me.
2nd dot. My posts.
3rd dot. Tagboard.
4th dot. Archives.
5th dot. Something to share.

If anytime you are lost in my blog, just go "home" and start all over again. =)

As I changed my blogskin on 21 July 2006, some past entries are written in some colours which you may not be able to see in this black background. Just highlight those words and you can see it clearer.

And if you think that you are wasting your time to read the stuff I've written (or you may call it crap), feel free to roll your mouse over to the top right hand corner of this window and click on the red button with a white cross. Thank you very much. =)

Good day and happy reading. =)

designer: Ah Xin (To think I actually call myself a designer.. -.- haha..)

New look : 21 July 2006

- About me.. -

关于我。

我正在寻找一个人。
一个可以互相依靠的好友。
一个可以畅谈心事的知己。
一个可以同甘共苦的伴侣。

我喜欢听歌，喜欢聊天，喜欢发呆，喜欢睡觉。
喜欢刺激，喜欢旅行，喜欢冒险，喜欢说笑。
喜欢幻想，喜欢思考，喜欢拥抱，喜欢语出惊人。
喜欢娱乐朋友。喜欢被人疼爱。
喜欢以小小的举动感动别人。

我不喜欢食物太咸，太油，太甜。
不喜欢自己杞人忧天。

我怕电流，怕火，怕蟑螂。
怕被人背叛，怕自作多情。
怕生病，怕死亡。

害怕海洋的惊涛骇浪，却喜欢它无私的包容。
害怕悬崖的雄伟壮观，却惊叹它历尽沧桑。
害怕宇宙的无边无际，却迷上它散发的神秘感。
其实只是害怕迷失自己，害怕迷路，害怕那无助的感觉。

我是个容易亲近的人。
不信？
问那些主动跟我搭讪的路人。
问那个给我电话号码的陌生人。

我有老人缘。
和比我年纪大的人特别合得来。

我是个大胆的人。
偶尔做出令人想不到的事情。

我是只懒惰猫。
对无聊的事物一点兴趣也没有。

我是个幽默的人。
你有比我幽默吗？只有较量过才知道。

我有双重性格。
你喜欢怎样的人，我就是怎样的性格。

我非常独立。
所以家人对我放一百个心。

我是个守口如瓶的人。
是个让人倾诉心事的好对象。

我的要求很高。
所以当我称赞你的时候，你是真的很棒。

我的思想很成熟。
成熟到令人惊讶。

我容易心软。
但请不要欺负我。

我相信命运，相信缘分，相信报应。
相信一切只是命中注定。
死缠烂打也于事无补。

我是个幸运的女生。
但如果真的那么幸运，请让我遇到如意郎君。可以吗？

眼底星空，九月雨，直觉，是你变了吗。
如果有哪个人可以把以上的歌唱得很好，我就嫁给他。
这样够简单吗？

希望能遇到可以照顾我的人。因为有时真的想什么都不理。
希望能遇到懂得欣赏我的人。因为我不想自己的付出白费了。
希望能遇到会逗我开心的人。因为有时心情真的很不愉快。
希望能遇到可以安慰我的人。因为人生真的需要鼓励。
我只希望有个人可以陪我。

如果你有耐心读到这里，我们肯定可以成为很好的朋友。
如果你愿意，请给我一个机会让我跟你聊天。我将让你对我念念不忘。
真的。

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如果有任何疑问，尽管问我。
你敢问，我就敢回答你。
哪怕有多尴尬。

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- Thought of the day -

" We'll never know how things will turn out to be.
They may turn out to be exactly what we want,
not necessary opposite."

~11:19:00 PM

那天和 WY 在电话聊天，才知道 SH 已经不在新加坡了。
要死咯，他竟然没有跟我讲。
问起原因，他说他回来之后会解释。

对他，我能有期望吗？我还能期望什么？我有资格期望吗？

我们还聊起 QH ， WY 感叹又有一个人被我判“死刑”了。是的，我不想和他说话，因为他必须检讨一下自己的举动。WY 说被我列入黑名单的人很可怜。真的很可怜吗？
算一算，已经有一个多礼拜没有和说话了。他反省够了吗？

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
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home

~9:50:00 AM

My Weekly Diary

This week is recess week. Didn't manage to do a lot of things. Have wasted a lot time on reportSSS. Haiz. Sian. There goes my recess week. =(

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Saturday, February 25, 2006
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~12:22:00 AM

他是她的。
她是他的。
它是他的。
它是她的。

我的呢？

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
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home

~10:06:00 PM

18 February Saturday

Received his sms at 8:16:48 pm. He came to my place. Met him at the void deck. My first reaction when I saw him was to say,"Wah..finally you ask me out..haha.." It's always been me asking him out and tonight was the other way round. After consulting WY and did some soul-searching, I sort of keep a distance from him due to one reason. One good reason.

We chatted a while and I realised he was holding on to a carrier. Out of curiousity, I asked him what's inside. He brought out a box of chocolates and said it's for me. I refused to take the chocolates because I thought he gave it to me just because I asked him about it.
But he said he came tonight just to pass me the chocolates.
He told me that he bought it some time ago.
He told me that it's Valentine's gift.

I would have laughed over what he said and never take it to heart under normal circumstances.
But not when he gave me a serious look.

To me, it doesn't mean anything. But I'm putting myself in other people's shoe.What he did was totally disappointing. He bought the same box of chocolates as Valentine's gift for another girl as well. It was a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

I did not take his chocolates. I did not want to talk to him anymore. For the one good reason is : He's attached.

* He should seriously reflect on what he's done.

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Saturday, February 18, 2006
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home

~1:45:00 AM

飞机场。
那是个伤心之地。
发生过很多事情。
快乐的，我已遗忘。
只记得难过的。
我说过以后再也不要到飞机场了。
但是为了你，我愿意忍住悲伤，再走一趟。

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Friday, February 17, 2006
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home

~2:59:00 PM

他让我大跌眼镜。
人，真的不可冒相。
原本给我留下好印象的人，令我太失望。

还好事情还没真的开始。

原来他不是我想象中的好。
更糟的是，他还比我想象中的差。

幸亏我及时从梦中苏醒过来，看清了他。
他已经在我心目中没有任何地位。

我已把他的名字从记忆删除。
从今天起，在我的世界里，不会有这个人。

他被我列入黑名单。
出去的人，就不可以再回来了。

不是我不给他机会，而是他自动弃权。

没骨气的人，没用！
没责任感人，令人讨厌！
婆婆妈妈的男人，还是男人吗？
没有主见的男人，真是差劲！
一脚踏两船的人，不会有好下场的！
像你这样的男人是成不了大器的！
你！等着瞧！
我将看你怎么收拾残局！
活该！

走吧！我一点也不希罕！

走了之后，就别再回来！

我和他的一切，已经成为过往。
我是永远也不会同情他的！
因为他，是个没用的家伙！
混账！呸！

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Sunday, February 12, 2006
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home

~2:19:00 AM

你没试过，你怎么知道？

你以为我心情不好，会乱发脾气，所以你不跟我说话。
但你没尝试跟我说话，你怎么知道我会对你发脾气？

你以为我睡了，所以不敢打电话找我。
但你没尝试打来，你怎么知道我已经睡了？

你以为我在生你的气，所以你离我越远越好。
但你没问我，你怎么知道我在生你的气？

你以为我不理你，所以你也不睬我。
但你没尝试理我，你怎么知道我会不理你呢？

你以为我会拒绝你的请求，所以你不敢开口。
但你没尝试向我开口，你怎么知道我会拒绝你呢？

事情要试过才会知道。
你没试过，你怎么知道结局呢？
这样对任何一方都很不公平。

You never try, you'll never know.

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Saturday, February 11, 2006
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home

~1:48:00 AM

我只可以当作什么事情都没有发生过。
只有这样才可以让他人好过一些。
只有这样才不会让他人尴尬。

事情到了某个地步，也只有结束收场。

如果我不主动做个了结，难道要等你主动吗？

反正，
最后的疼爱是手放开。

当女人主动，表示男人 X X X 。
你听懂吗？

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .

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~1:10:00 AM

什么叫做虚伪？

我现在的心情很好。
我现在很开心。
从来没有这么兴奋过。
不愉快地事情好象从来都没有发生过。
我会一辈子快乐。

这样叫作虚伪。

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .

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~11:05:00 PM

Clinical Depression

Haiz. I was wondering how come my mood was so bad for so long. Already 3 weeks running and going to be one month liao. Then I went to see a doctor* and was diagnosed having clinical depression. Wahaha..what’s that? I only understand depression as economic downturn.Then I found out this:

“Clinical depression is state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living. It is important to note that an individual may suffer from what is termed a "clinical depression" without fully meeting the criteria for a specific diagnosis on the depression spectrum. Clinically, this is referred to as a "depressed mood".

Although a mood characterized by sadness is often colloquially referred to as depression, clinical depression is something more than just a temporary state of sadness. Symptoms lasting two weeks or longer, and of a severity that begins to interfere with typical social functioning and/or activities of daily living, are considered to constitute clinical depression.

It is sufficient to have either of these symptoms in conjunction with four of a list of other symptoms. These include:

- Feelings of overwhelming sadness or fear, or the seeming inability to feel emotion.
-A decrease in the amount of pleasure derived from what were previously pleasurable activities. -Changing appetite and marked weight gain or weight loss.
-Disturbed sleep patterns, such as insomnia, loss of REM sleep, or excessive sleep.
-Changes in activity levels, such as restlessness or a slowing of movement.
-Fatigue, either/both mental and physical.
-Feelings of guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, anxiety, and/or fear.
-A decrease in self-esteem.
-Trouble concentrating or making decisions, or a generalized slowing and obtunding of cognition. -Self-harm or ruminating on self-harm.
-Ruminating on death and/or suicide.
-Reduced memory.

An additional indicator could be the excessive use of drugs or alcohol. Depressed adolescents are at particular risk of further destructive behaviors, such as eating disorders and self-harm.

It is hard for people who have not experienced clinical depression, either personally or by regular exposure to people suffering it, to understand its emotional impact and severity, interpreting it instead as being similar to "having the blues" or "feeling down". As the list of symptoms above indicates, clinical depression is a serious, potentially lethal systemic disorder characterized by interlocking physical, affective, and cognitive symptoms which have consequences for function and survival well beyond sad or painful feelings.”

Faint..Scary. Really must take care.

* This is a joke. =\

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
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home

~11:50:00 PM

我已经没有故事可以写了。该写的已经写了，不该写的，也写了。

以前的每一个 post ，都是我现在的心情写照。
有空，就再去读一读吧。

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Saturday, February 04, 2006
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home

~11:17:00 PM

戴玮莹，十九岁，于2006 年 2 月 4 日，被控私自闯入私人住家，企图不明，但人证却在，因此受罚为当事人提供终生的友谊，无得上诉。

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .

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~1:31:00 AM

心中的疑问 (2) -- 我喜欢的他，喜欢她？

一段爱情的开始是因为两人互相喜欢对方。
如果是这么容易，那就好了。
为什么事情就是不可以简单一点？

每当女孩听见男孩提起别的女生时，她会难过。
为什么男孩心里只有别人？而女孩在男孩心里毫无一席之地？

每当女孩看见男孩和别的女生有说有笑的时候，她会吃醋。
为什么男孩喜欢的人是别人而不是自己？

每当男孩对别的女生做出一些亲密的举动，女孩会不高兴。
为什么男孩没有顾及女孩的感受？

为什么男孩就是不给女孩机会？难道给一个机会有那么难吗？

女孩知道自己将再次与男孩相见。她心里很乱。
应该和男孩见面吗？
在告白之后见面，会尴尬吗？
男孩会有什么样的反应？
事情会出乎意料吗？
那种突如其来的局面，女孩应付得来吗？
一涌及出的眼泪，女孩能够忍住吗？
女孩是否会情绪失控？

女孩担心在掩饰中会无形流露出自己的醋意。
女孩担心男孩会看穿她，会知道女孩其实心里很不好受。
为什么女孩会顾虑到这些呢？

女孩盼望男孩回心转意，却不断告诉自己，男孩是不会喜欢她的，永远都不会。
为什么女孩总是前后矛盾？

为什么女孩说过要忘记一切却做不到？
为什么女孩说要放弃却还是放不下男孩？
为什么女孩总是出尔反尔？
为什么看得到尽头的路，女孩偏偏一直往前走？

为什么我喜欢的他，喜欢她？

* 为什么女孩那么多问题？ =P

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .
Friday, February 03, 2006
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home

~12:40:00 AM

My Weekly Diary

Monday and Tuesday are public holidays so I should start writing my diary from Wednesday onwards..haha..

Ok, Wednesday, a long long day. Tutorial dragged abit...then i was late for lecture after that. No mood to do anything. So even though I was late for lecture, I was still strolling to the lecture theatre. At night around 1230 am, I went to take water from the pantry so that I can boil water. After I was done and about to walk out of the pantry, guess what...
I SAW A CAT AGAIN!!! Sian...scary... this time was a cat with grey and white stripes. Much smaller than the black cat. It then looked like it's about to attack me and blocked my way. We were sort of staring at each other. It's quite fierce-looking. =\ Then it opened its mouth. I was expecting it to meow...But then not a single sound comes out from its mouth. Scary loh..duno why with it's eyes looking quite fierce and wide-opened, it looked at me and opened its mouth and no sound came out..Lucky there's another way out to my room, although I had to go one big round before going back to my room. Haiz....At least I was not surrounded, cause if the cat walked into the pantry...then I really no way out le..Duno why I always see a cat. Haiz...so scary...late in the night somemore..

Thursday, nearly die of boredom. THINKING OF WEIYING. CAUSE SHE SAYS SHE CAN COME ON THURSDAY DE. But nvm...I went out on my own also..haha..Went Suntec City..and Marina Square. Intend to go Esplanade this time. But then ah..haiz..something happened..overwhelmed with emotions..then never go also..I guess I won't have a chance to go esplanade.. It's a place I'll never have the courage to step in..

Friday, I wrote this on Thursday night. So I guess Friday will also be more or less the same bah..SIAN..then Saturday, I still duno want to go to Eddie's house or not. Haiz...no mood to go..Bad mood..dun want to affect people..Because of some personal reasons also.. So duno should I go? Or should I not go? Then Saturday..I also intend to go to my friend's house.. Stressed..very stressed.. Haiz..
Had been sad for 3 weeks since the day I went airport. It's his fault. =(
So maybe I will ask him to treat me Macdonald for breakfast, Swensons for lunch and Pizza Hut for dinner. Or Jack's Place? Long time never go le..haha.. (Weiying, correct mah? haha)
Hmm...Weekend coming ..I get to sleep in my bed..haha..I miss holidays..

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Wandering.. Wondering.. .

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